7 Tips for Writing a Letter to a Birth Child
As a birth mother, it’s difficult to confront the loss that comes with placing a child for adoption, even when you know you’ve reached the best decision for you and the child you carry. Still, you find ways to make the most out of your situation as you work on your journey toward healing. If you are in an open or semi-open adoption, you look to the future with the hope that you will have a relationship with the child, and perhaps have a presence in his or her life. One way that you can fulfill this hope is by writing a heartfelt letter to the child that he or she can cherish forever.
Letters are a wonderful way to establish and maintain meaningful relationships, which is why many birth mothers opt to write a letter to their birth child. If you are interested in doing the same, you can follow Adoption Choices of Kansas’ tips for writing a letter to a birth child so that you can nurture a beautiful connection to the child you will place for adoption.
- Describe Yourself
Writing a letter is a great way to introduce yourself. So, it’s a good idea to talk about who you are, your hobbies, what’s important to you, your background, and so on. You can decide on how detailed you want to be, but this information helps the child get to know you a little better and start to make a personal connection with you.
- Talk about Your Family
By telling your family’s story, you can give the child some insight into where he or she comes from. This is a great opportunity to introduce family members who are close to you and who hold the child in a special place in their hearts. It also gives you the opportunity to discuss your heritage and special traditions that you hope the child can appreciate and connect with in some way.
- Show Your Love for the Child
You chose adoption out of love, and now is the time to put that love into words. Whatever your style of expressing your love is, it will mean so much to the child to know they are loved and always will be loved by the woman who gave them life. It may also help mitigate some of the uneasiness and doubts the child might have about why you placed them for adoption in the first place.
- Explain Why You Chose Adoption
For many adoptees, it’s not easy to come to terms with being adopted. If they know little to nothing about why they were placed for adoption, they might struggle with feelings of insecurity or even being unwanted. However, your letter can serve as a means to explain to the child that your choice was out of love and in service of their best interests.
It’s completely okay if you want to hold back on certain details on why you were not in a position to raise a child, if your personal circumstances were complicated and difficult. There will be plenty of time for the child to learn the whole story when he or she is older and can better understand the situation. At this time, the most important thing to convey is that you placed them for adoption in the hope that it would give them the best shot at life.
- Discuss Why You Chose Their Adoptive Family
Just as you gifted this child with life, you also gifted them with the amazing adoptive family they have today. By talking about how you took the time to find an adoptive family who would ensure a bright future and loving environment, it can make the child all the more appreciative of them. Because you carefully selected the adoptive family for the child, they are another special connection that the child has to you in a way.
- Convey Your Hopes for the Future
Expressing that you want to develop a relationship with the child you placed for adoption can give you both something to look forward to. It means that leaving the hospital did not mark the end of your relationship. You can still watch them grow up, and they can grow up knowing that they will always share a special bond with you.
- Include a Picture of Yourself
Providing a picture of yourself is the perfect way to complete your letter that tells your story and illustrates who you are as a person. It’s a way for the child to put a face to the woman who made the loving decision to place them in a home where they could thrive and become the best version of themselves. Over time, he or she can even find themselves in your likeness, whether you share the same eyes or the same smile.
Get Started Writing Your Letter Today
By following these tips for writing a letter to a birth child, you can effectively articulate your love for the child you placed for adoption and mark the beginning of a lifelong relationship with them. It can also serve as a means for both you and the child to heal and find some closure. If you are a birth mother in Kansas and are in the process of writing your letter, Adoption Choices of Kansas can provide you with further guidance so that you can make it the best it can be.
Meet the Author: Mary DeStefano is an Ohio native currently living in northern Virginia and works in the litigation consulting industry where she has experience in antitrust, product liability, and mass torts matters. She holds a B.A. in Economics (‘15) and an M.A. in Applied Economics (‘16) from the University of Cincinnati.
Mary finds great meaning in wielding the written word to develop impactful narratives and to help people stay informed. In her spare time, Mary can be found beachcombing and going on other adventures with her dog along the shores of the Chesapeake Bay. She also has an affinity for antiquing and loves a good 80’s movie marathon.