Adoption Can Seem Intimidating: Facing Your Fears and Understanding Concerns
By Megan Kostraba
Making the choice to place your baby up for adoption is not an easy one. It’s probably one of the hardest decisions a birth mother has to make during her life. There’s a lot of fear and intimidation around the subject of adoption, and it can be overwhelming for one person to handle. Even just going online and looking for help leads to countless results with several different recommendations—it’s tough to follow and understand what to do!
Making the choice to place your child up for adoption is unique to all birth families. Whether it be financial issues, medical concerns, an unsupportive family, or even just personal goals. You’ve chosen adoption because it is what best suits you and your child. Even with making your choice, however, you might still have many fears and concerns about your adoption plan. We understand that side of things, too. Your concerns are our concerns, and here at Adoption Choices of Kansas, we want to help you with all the unknowns and fears that follow adoption.
Comprehending Open Adoption
Open adoption is the most common and widespread form of adoption for birth mothers. In this type of adoption, a relationship is formed between the birth family and the adoptive family. The limits and restrictions of this relationship are still decided by the birth mother—you can choose how much or how little contact you want with the other party. In a typical open adoption, contact information is shared, like email addresses, phone numbers, and names. The birth parents and adoptive parents will often meet in person and stay in contact throughout the duration of the pregnancy and post-birth. Some birth mothers even invite adoptive parents to be there for childbirth.
Fear #1: Worrying About Contact with Your Child
Through open adoption, birth mothers still have the availability to contact their children or receive updates on their well-being. A common fear that many birth mothers share is worrying about how their child is fairing with the adoptive family. Through open adoption, and as long as both parties agree to the adoption contract, you can have the option to contact or even meet your child. The degree of how “open” the adoption is is something that has to be discussed with both families.
The relationship you have with the adoptive parents is something that changes over time, and we want both parties to understand and feel comfortable with their relationship. In-person visits and digital contact is something that would have to be agreed upon, but for birth mothers who fear that they won’t be able to meet their child, an open adoption gives you options!
Fear #2: Am I Giving Up On My Child By Choosing Adoption?
Our adoption agencies in Kansas want to assure you that by choosing adoption, you are not “giving up” on anything. We understand why you may feel this way—why you may feel guilty for deciding on adoption for your child. However, we want you to remember that the reason you’ve chosen adoption is a choice made out of love and hope for your child to have a wonderful life, even if it may not include you in it. That is a selfless and incredibly difficult decision.
You may have numerous reasons for placing your baby up for adoption, all of them personal to you. Choosing adoption means accepting that you are going to need time to heal yourself mentally and physically. Pregnancy can be hard enough, but adding on the pressure of choosing adoption can add many unknown factors and stress. Our adoption services in Wichita and throughout Kansas can offer counseling services to birth mothers to help them understand their feelings during adoption.
If you are worried that your child may feel this way too, they will come to understand it with time.
Fear #3: Am I Selfish for Choosing Adoption?
Not in the slightest.
It’s not selfish at all to make a choice that is better for you and your child. Unplanned pregnancies happen all of the time—countless women have gone through them, and unplanned pregnancies will continue to happen in the future. Some personal reasons why you might have chosen pregnancy may be age, medical issues, financial status, or personal goals that you wish to achieve in your lifetime. Becoming a mother is a very challenging responsibility, one that you might not be ready for or one that you might not even want!
We understand that by choosing adoption, you’re choosing the option that is best suited for your child; adoption may be the thing that provides them with opportunities in life that you may not be able to. That’s okay—part of choosing adoption means accepting it. You have to let yourself heal from the choice you’ve made and understand that you chose it not for yourself but for your baby.
Choosing Adoption for Your Baby
The adoption process is a very personal one that differs from woman to woman. Being scared of what’s to come and fearing your choices is absolutely normal. We want to aid you in searching all of your options, discuss them thoroughly, and help you place your baby up for adoption. At Adoption Choices of Kansas, we want you to feel comfortable and confident in your choice.
Reach out to one of our agencies at any time for help during your pregnancy and adoption journey.
