Celebrating Birth Mother’s Day in a Kansas Open Adoption
You probably won’t see Birth Mother’s Day marked on any official calendar. There most likely aren’t a slew of greeting cards, themed coffee mugs, or stuffed bears with “Happy Birth Mother’s Day” stitched onto little hearts. The holiday isn’t widely talked about, but it holds a great deal of meaning to those in the adoption community. If you’re still new to the wonderful world of adoption, you may not even be aware that this holiday exists.
Adoption Choices of Kansas is here to lend a hand and suggest just a few ways you can observe and celebrate this underappreciated holiday. Everyone will choose to celebrate differently, but recognizing and talking about it is a significant step in bringing awareness to adoption and its importance. We love adoption, and we want others to see it’s something worth celebrating. Birth mothers go through a lot in choosing adoption, deciding on a type of adoption, and traversing through the post-placement roller coaster of emotions. They definitely deserve a slice of cake, some confetti, and a little appreciation.
Consider this your introduction and guide to celebrating Birth Mother’s Day in a Kansas open adoption. Macaroni and glitter picture frames are optional. Love, respect, and a healthy amount of admiration are required. Celebrating or even just observing Birth Mother’s Day is a great way to bring a positive light to adoption and birth mothers.
What is Birth Mother’s Day?
Birth Mother’s Day was created and founded in 1990 and first celebrated in Seattle, Washington, on a Saturday before Mother’s Day. May 8th, 2021, will be the 31st anniversary of the worldwide holiday. Created by birth mothers, it is meant to be a way to honor, support, and educate. Just as adoption has changed over the years, so has to observe Birth Mother’s Day. What was once a day for birth mothers to come together and prepare for the upcoming Mother’s Day is now a way for adoptees and adoptive families to show their gratitude and acknowledge the importance of the holiday.
Why Celebrate Birth Mother’s Day?
Far removed from the mylar balloons and a child-made breakfast in bed, Birth Mother’s Day is a day for birth mothers to reflect on the bittersweet journey that is adoption. It’s also an opportunity for adoptive families to show their appreciation for the selfless act of choosing adoption. To recognize the birth mother is just as important as the adoptive mother in creating an adoption-positive environment for the adoptee.
Celebrating Birth Mother’s Day as a Birth Mother in Kansas
For some birth mothers, the holiday may stir up some emotions. It’s important to take care of yourself and listen to what your head, heart, and gut are telling you. If the wound of post-placement is still fresh and you don’t feel like you can celebrate or observe Birth Mother’s Day this time around, that’s okay! Especially in an open adoption, the grieving process can be complex. Talk with the adoptive family and let them know if you are or aren’t willing to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day. Here are just a few ways to celebrate by yourself or with others.
- Take a Self-Care Day
Treat yourself to a spa day, a nice meal, a glass of wine, or just a hot bath. During a time when emotions can run high, it’s essential to take care of yourself. Be gentle and kind to yourself.
- Do Something In Honor of Your Baby
A tough part of the grieving process, especially in an open adoption, is processing the loss of someone who will still be part of your life. Planting flowers or a small garden in their honor or treating yourself to a jewelry piece with their birthstone are great options. Even if they are in your life relatively frequently post-placement, having those small tokens will be a beautiful reminder.
- Plan to Celebrate with the Adoptive Family
Bring everyone together and celebrate Birth Mother’s Dayand Mother’s Day together. Having a family picnic or dinner together with the adoptive family is a great way to celebrate the holiday and spend some quality time with everyone.
Celebrating Birth Mother’s Day as an Adoptive Family
If you are the adoptive family, you may be racking your brain on how to truly show your appreciation for the person who brought such a selfless gift into your life. Flowers, cards, and spa gift cards are always an option, but there are other ways to celebrate the birth mother in your life that you may not have thought of.
- Celebrate Together
Birth mothers should be celebrated and appreciated just as any mother should. Having a small gathering for the whole family unit is a great way to honor her and show your respect for her role in the adoptee’s life.
- Bring in Other Family Traditions
Everyone has family traditions that they bring out for every major holiday and birthday. Sharing those traditions by integrating them into your celebration shows her she’s still an important part of the child’s life.
- Reach Out
If you can’t be together for Birth Mother’s Day to celebrate, reaching out and letting her know you’re thinking of her is an easy way to show you care. A phone call, video call, or even just a text message to see how she’s doing could mean more than you know.
How Will You Celebrate Birth Mother’s Day?
Every birth mother’s experience is different, but every one of them deserves to be celebrated. Any holiday that involves family can be challenging, but that second week in May is incredibly emotionally arduous for birth mothers. Remember to be kind to yourself and take time to reflect on the reasons you chose adoption and how it has positively impacted you and the adoptee’s life. Even if you don’t feel ready to break out the streamers and balloons this year, remember you are not alone, and a few moments of personal gratitude is just as much a celebration.
Meet the Author: Michelle Brugioni is a practiced, well-versed college-educated writer and avid coffee drinker. She has ten years’ experience as a freelance writer, and has written for an alarmingly wide range of clients and publications. She has written on topics like: life science, biopharmaceutical company acquisitions, dealing with anxiety, and creative drinking games.
As a fearless writer and masterful researcher, each time Michelle is approached with the question, “Can you write this?” she responds confidently with, “When do you need it?”