Celebrating Mother’s Day in a Kansas Open Adoption
As a birth mother, an unexpected pregnancy can catch you off guard. You may have many reasons for why you are considering adoption, such as financial reasons, lack of support from loved ones, or even just being unable to take on the responsibility of a child. Just because you are considering adoption, doesn’t mean that you still do not feel an attachment to your child and feel like a mother to them. This is when you may be considering an open adoption. An open adoption allows you to still have a continuous relationship with your child throughout their life, as well as a relationship with their adoptive family that you chose for them.
Through being present in your child’s life, you may still feel like a mother to them and they may view you in this way as well. However, their adoptive mother is their primary guardian and the one they will spend most of their time with. Because of this, your child will have a strong relationship with their adoptive mother. Navigating the special day of Mother’s Day may be confusing for you, the adoptive mother, and your child on how to go about it. Here is some advice on Celebrating Mother’s Day in a Kansas Open Adoption.
Celebrating Mother’s Day as a Birth Mother
Celebrating Mother’s Day as a birth mother in an open adoption brings about a special dynamic that is unique from most cases. Because there is a certain role you are in through an agreement with the adoptive family, it is important not to cross boundaries. However, you still have a right to celebrate this special day. Here are several tips on what you can do to make this day as smooth and lovely as possible!
- Have Open Communication
Open communication between you, your child, and the adoptive mother is very important. Find out what the desires are of the adoptive mother in terms of how to celebrate this day, and most importantly, find out the desires of your child. Your child may have a certain idea in mind with how they want to celebrate, and ultimately they should feel the most comfortable with this celebration.
- Make Plans in Advance
Making plans in advance will alleviate any possible hurt feelings or awkwardness. This will allow for smoother communication and ideas of how the day will go. Start talking to your child and the adoptive mother a few weeks before the day itself so you can figure out things such as day plans, if family will be accompanying, or the desires of each person on what they want out of the day.
- Celebrate Alone or Together
Through communicating and making plans, you can figure out if you would like to celebrate this day alone, with your child, or all together. Each family has a different dynamic and expectations, so there is no right or wrong way to go about this. You may have split one on one time with you and your child as the adoptive mother may want this as well, or you all may want to celebrate together depending on your relationship with your child’s adoptive family. Doing what makes all parties the happiest is the most important thing.
Celebrating Mother’s Day as an Adoptive Mother
Being an adoptive mother in an open adoption is also a unique position to be in. You have the rights to your adopted child and have a relationship with them, but also understand that they may have a relationship with their birth mother as well. Here are some things to think about when it comes to celebrating Mother’s Day as an adoptive mother.
- Be Understanding of the Birth Mother
This time may be emotional for you as you feel protective over your role as a mother to your adopted child. It may feel hard for you to “share” your adopted child on this day with their birth mother, and make you feel as if you are not as important on this day. If these feelings arise, make sure to practice being understanding to the birth mother. Though she placed her child in adoption, she still may feel just as much of a mother as you do to your adoptee. This day is special for both of you, and it is important to have unconditional love and empathy for everyone who may be feeling a certain way on this day.
- Process Your Own Feelings
Along with being understanding and practicing empathy, it is important to understand your own feelings and to process them in a healthy way. If you feel any of the things that were just stated, taking time to talk things out with someone you trust, a therapist, or even the birth mother herself will be healthy and allow you to fully enjoy the day when it comes without bottling up your feelings. Unresolved feelings can lead to unhealthy actions that may come out subconsciously, and you want to avoid this to make you, the birth mother, and your child the happiest they can be on this special day.
Commonalities During Mother’s Day in an Open Adoption
The beauty of Mother’s Day is that you don’t have to be a biological mother to be a mother. Giving your child the best life possible is the most you can hope for, and as a birth mother in an open adoption, you are doing your part. It is also a beautiful thing to be able to remain in your child’s life and pass down a part of yourself to them as they grow up and become shaped into individuals. Having a shared experience with your child’s adoptive mother causes two worlds to collide and creates something you have in common. This commonality should be celebrated in a positive light, and taking the right steps to doing so will cause the best case scenario.
Adoption Choices of Kansas wants to help you in any situation we can to make you and people everyone around you the happiest. If you ever need any support or further advice, don’t hesitate to reach out.
Meet the Author: Tatiana Kelly is a graduate of Saint Mary’s College of California where she pursued a degree in Business with a concentration in Marketing. She first discovered her passion for journalism in high school when she joined Yearbook, allowing her to interview others and learn their intricacies, ultimately giving them a voice. Her empathetic nature motivates her to write about others and be interested in details of each individual and their story.
Tatiana’s passion for writing deepened when she took a college journalism class, which allowed her to write various types of content consisting of Feature Story, Review, and Profile pieces. She went on to hone her writing and marketing skills through her position as a Marketing Associate at the Lesher Arts Center in Walnut Creek, CA, where she managed social media content and advertising assets. In her free time, Tatiana enjoys writing poetry and her thoughts about philosophy. She explores her creative and musical side through instruments, singing, and nature.