Considering Adoption While Fourteen and Pregnant
Experiencing an unplanned pregnancy at any age is distressing enough. The crisis you face as a fourteen-year-old girl discovering you are pregnant can seem insurmountable. The feelings of isolation, chaos, and anxiety can be particularly intense at this age when life already feels like it’s out of your control. Although it may feel like the end of your life as you knew it, remember that your life isn’t over. Many doors are still open to you.
One door that can lead to opportunities for healing and returning to some level of normalcy is adoption. Not only does it relieve you of the responsibility of parenthood, but it also allows the baby to be placed with loving adoptive family who has the means and desire to nurture a new life. As rewarding as adoption is, you likely have many questions and concerns if you are considering this option.
If you live in Kansas and are considering adoption while fourteen and pregnant, know that Adoption Choices of Kansas takes your concerns seriously and wants to help you find the answers you seek. By addressing some of the common concerns many teen mothers share, we hope to bring you a step closer toward making the right decision for you and your baby.
- How will Adoption Impact My Future?
One of the biggest and most common concerns of any teen birth mother is how an unplanned pregnancy and going through the adoption process will affect how her future will play out. Adoption can provide you with many benefits when you are not ready to raise a child. The primary way it helps you as a birth mother is that it takes the burden of being a parent off your shoulders. Raising a child is a huge responsibility that is not only time consuming, but also very expensive. When a child is young, they require your full attention, which can seriously interfere with your responsibilities as a student and a teenager.
Choosing to parent a child at fourteen may make you more likely to drop out of school l, since it is very challenging to balance raising a child while taking classes. This can significantly increase your chances of living at or below the poverty line, which is detrimental to both you and your child. However, this can be avoided if the child is placed for adoption. You can then focus on school and developing other critical aspects of your life.
- How will Others Perceive Me throughout My Adoption Journey?
Navigating the typical judgement experienced during adolescence is difficult enough as it is. If a teenager becomes pregnant, the stigma that she faces can feel overwhelming and can have serious repercussions on her relationships, mental well-being, and self-worth. What can exacerbate this is the double standards she might encounter versus the birth father, even though it takes two people to make a baby. Because this unfair treatment may be unavoidable at times, it’s very important to develop a reliable support network to help you.
Be assured that when you work with Adoption Choices of Kansas, we will be a safe haven for you from stigmatization and shame that our society, unfortunately, inflicts on teen birth mothers. It is our mission to provide you with the means to have a successful adoption journey. Part of that entails providing you with a judgement-free environment where you can feel safe to speak up about your needs. We also value your privacy, which is why everything you tell us is completely confidential.
- Where can I Turn to for Emotional Support?
Whether you are battling grief, judgement, isolation or any other emotional hardship during your adoption journey, know that there are compassionate people out there who are understanding toward your pain and will help you get on the path toward healing. As you begin the process of developing a support network for yourself, start with those who are closest to you as they are more familiar with and invested in your specific needs. From there, you can start to branch out to broader circles of people. Perhaps reach out to a teacher or school counselor you respect and trust, if you feel as though you are not receiving the support you need from home or your friends.
You may also benefit from joining a birth mother support group, so that you can learn directly from those who are experiencing what you are going through. Joining a support group can make you feel less isolated, as you are surrounded by women who are on the same adoption journey as you. If you need to speak one-on-one with a professional to find answers, the counselors at Adoption Choices of Kansas can be accessed whenever you need help at no cost to you.
- What if I can’t Rely on My Parents to Help Meet My Basic Needs?
If your parents are not able or willing to help with your needs during your pregnancy, you can receive the assistance you need from Adoption Choices of Kansas. We understand that basic care can be expensive, and we want you to focus on successfully navigating the adoption process instead of stressing out over living expenses. Whether you need help covering medical care, reliable transportation, access to safe housing, or financial assistance, we will work closely with you to make sure that you are safe, secure and healthy during your pregnancy and adoption journey.
- Will I ever See My Baby Again?
Fortunately, the way that adoptions are handled in the United States has evolved dramatically in recent decades. There was a time when adoption meant birth mothers were separated from their babies immediately after delivery, with little to no chance of seeing or hearing from them again. Now, most adoptions are open, meaning that the birth mother is able to contact the adoptive family and can even have in-person visits from time to time.
Open and semi-open adoptions bring hope to so many birth mothers who wish to see the child they placed for adoption grow up and thrive. When you choose an open or semi-open adoption, your relationship with the child does not have to end when you leave the hospital.
Seeking Adoption Help at Fourteen
Considering adoption while fourteen and pregnant may seem daunting and surreal. You are still adjusting to high school, and now you are about to make one of the biggest decisions of your life. When you reach out to Adoption Choices of Kansas, we will help you explore all your options so that you can make the best decision for you and the baby you carry. No adoption journey is easy, but with our help, you can start to take back control over your life and enjoy the rest of your teenage years.
Meet the Author: Mary DeStefano is an Ohio native currently living in northern Virginia and works in the litigation consulting industry where she has experience in antitrust, product liability, and mass torts matters. She holds a B.A. in Economics (‘15) and an M.A. in Applied Economics (‘16) from the University of Cincinnati.
Mary finds great meaning in wielding the written word to develop impactful narratives and to help people stay informed. In her spare time, Mary can be found beachcombing and going on other adventures with her dog along the shores of the Chesapeake Bay. She also has an affinity for antiquing and loves a good 80’s movie marathon.