The fear is real. You faced an unplanned pregnancy and ultimately made an adoption plan. You spent weeks contemplating the decision and went through the high and low emotions. Some days it felt like the best choice in the world and other days you were buried in guilt. When you saw the love from the family, though, who adopted your child, you knew it was meant to be. An open adoption meant you were going to share lives with this family and you were confident and even proud of your choice.
It’s been a few weeks, months, or maybe even a year or more later and you are terrified of becoming pregnant again – until you are ready. The fact is, after giving birth and your cycle is normal again, you will continue to ovulate month after month and that means the chance of becoming pregnant remains.
Samantha Alkire, a birth mother from West Virginia shares her story:
“A wave of nausea rolls through my body. I’m a little lightheaded and dizzy. It’s about that time of the month, but is it going happen? Even though I’m in a much different place than I was before, the thought of being pregnant, especially before I consciously make an effort to plan it out, sends panic through my body. I spend a few hours trying to convince myself that no matter what, I’m going to be fine. I’m probably not pregnant; it’s silly to think about it. Then I find myself in the pharmacy aisle buying the early detection pregnancy test. I pee on the stick and wait 30 seconds to look at it. The test takes at least two minutes. I busy myself straightening up the bathroom or checking Facebook. I look back down to nothing. I’m both relieved and disappointed.
This struggle has been my reality for much of the past three years since placing my son for adoption. Having a crisis pregnancy, especially one resulting in an adoption plan, instills in you that pregnancy is about pain, grief, sadness, and depression, which is a very bad thing. I had pregnancy scares before my unplanned pregnancy, just as most sexually active women do, but they were no big deal before because I had no idea what it felt like—the feeling of seeing two lines on a test staring back at you, or coming to terms with the fact that this is literally the worst time for you to be someone’s mother. In my own situation, I didn’t know I was pregnant until almost halfway through the second trimester. So I don’t feel I can trust myself to know the difference between pregnancy and a stomach virus or a migraine.
The truth of the matter is that I want to be a mom so badly. Thinking back to the things you wanted while growing up, and how it has changed by the time you’re 25, one desire has remained, and that is to be a great mom. So part of me cannot wait until the day when I am pregnant and in a place to parent that child. However, the fear of uncertainty—of being able to handle previous trauma, of knowing I’ll set extremely high and unrealistic expectations so the child I placed for adoption and the child(ren) I parent are proud of me—makes it hard to sleep some nights.
So next month, if I’m feeling nauseous and lightheaded, you might catch me in the local pharmacy aisle. One of these times, the test will be positive, but I hope I’m ready when it does.” Original article here.
If you are experiencing similar fears, here are some tips:
1 – contraceptive protection – pills, patches, rings, devices, there are plenty of options! After placing your child for adoption, we can help connect you with a doctor or financial resources to help.
2 – use your birth control correctly and on schedule – take your pill at the same time everyday, avoid missing a dose, replace your patch or ring on time. Put a timer on your phone and prepare an auto refill so the next month is always ready.
3 – use protection – i.e. a condom – and make sure you are using them correctly.
4 – track your fertility and avoid sex during ovulation. There are apps, like MyDays that you can use to track your menstrual and ovulation cycle. But this method is only effective if you take your time and really get to know your body. Instead, consider it as a good complement to other birth control options.
These options circulate around sex and obviously, the means by which to get pregnant – sex. But also consider your environment or your situation. If you are in an unsafe, undesirable, or unstable situation, it’s time to make some changes. No matter your situation, there is help available! Homelessness, addiction, violence… there is help available! You do not have to suffer nor go through it alone.
If you have found yourself pregnant after placing your child for adoption and you want to make an adoption plan, we can help. This isn’t an uncommon situation or circumstance that we haven’t seen before. There are women who have placed their child for adoption, found themselves pregnant again, and placed a second and even third child for adoption as well. We are compassionate to your circumstance and will not judge your choice. We are here to help. Call Us 877-903-4488 or Text Us 316-209-2071