How Birth Fathers can be Supportive in the Adoption Process
You’ve just discovered that you are pregnant. The double lines of the pregnancy test stare back at you from the countertop. You didn’t plan or expect this, but it’s true. You’re expecting. The birth father doesn’t know. At least, not yet. You aren’t sure how to tell him. How he will react. But, deep down, you feel it’s important that he knows. That he deserves to.
Birth fathers play an important role in the adoption process. After all, without him, the child being placed for adoption wouldn’t exist. Yet, he’s more than that, too, right? If you and he are in a relationship, or at least on speaking terms, it’s important he gets the chance to be involved in the adoption process. To help make decisions, support you and then sign away his parental rights so that the adoption can be legally finalized.
Adoption Choices of Kansas is here for you both and wants to share with you the ways in which birth fathers can be supportive in the adoption process.
Ways Birth Fathers can Support You
All birth fathers have the ability to be supportive if given the chance. Here are the ways he can do this:
- He can support you emotionally. If the birth father is a good guy, he will know what to do, who to tell and what to say. He will be able to support you emotionally and mentally, and help you navigate through all the feelings that accompany the adoption journey. All your fears, anxiety, grief — he will hold you as you cry and know just what to say to help you keep going. Because birth fathers are also susceptible to similar emotions, he may cry and grieve alongside you. There’s nothing that says support quite like someone who truly understands what you are going through.
- He can help you choose adoption. After learning the initial news of your unplanned pregnancy and processing, a birth father can show support by sitting down with you and talking through your options. Asking you what you want to do. When adoption comes up, he can help you talk through your thoughts. How you feel about placing your baby for adoption, and if choosing adoption is the best decision. He can then help you find our agency and set up an appointment with one of our adoption caseworkers.
- He can attend your ultrasound appointments with you. Ultrasounds are the best way to see how your child is growing and progressing when he or she is growing in your belly. You can always inform the birth father about upcoming ultrasound appointments and ask if he would like to come. Having him present is another excellent way for him to show his support. Being pregnant can feel like a very long and nerve-wracking process, and it’s always better when you have someone there beside you.
- He can make decisions with you. When you begin creating your adoption plan, it’s important that you and he talk about what type of adoption you want. What level of openness do you want with the prospective adoptive parents? Do you want to be able to have contact with your child at all in the future? Do you have a preference regarding a single parent home? LGBT couples or individuals? There are many aspects to consider. Communicating about this together is another way that the birth father can show his support to you.
Birth Fathers can be Supportive in the Adoption Process
Even though it may seem like the birth father wouldn’t be supportive of you and your decision to place your baby for adoption, you may be surprised. Maybe he won’t take the news of your unplanned pregnancy well at first. But, remember your reaction when you first found out, too. Give him time to process. He will have anxiety, fears and worries just like you.But, if you and he shared a special relationship, he will be there to support you. He will know what to do, how to help you make the best decision moving forward, and will always keep yours and the child’s needs above his own.
Meet the Author: Jason Legasse is a rising senior English major studying at Siena College in Loudonville, New York. He hails from the Albany, New York area, but has plans to relocate to sunny Venice, Florida with his mom come Fall. After completing his bachelor’s degree, Jason plans to study General Special Education at Meredith College, where he will earn a Master’s degree and use that to teach middle school Special Education.
Jason is a self-proclaimed introvert with Asperger’s who really enjoys writing. He has a huge passion for helping others, specifically those with disabilities. He is very excited to be working with Adoption Choices over the summer, and looks forward to learning more about the adoption process!