How a Kansas Birth Mother Copes with Mother’s Day
When it comes to adoption in Kansas, there are many things to consider and much preparation that goes into it. It is a life-changing decision that will affect you deeply. As a mother, the holiday of Mother’s Day is a time for you to celebrate and be appreciated for all of your hard work you do every day for your child/children. However, as a Kansas birth mother to a child you are planning on placing for adoption, this holiday may make you a bit anxious, especially depending on the type of adoption that is pursued. These feelings are perfectly valid and normal to feel, and Adoption Choices of Kansas is here to offer you some tips on coping with Mother’s Day as a Kansas birth mother.
Mother’s Day in an Open Adoption
Mother’s Day in an open adoption may be a specifically unique scenario. This is because you will still be in communication with your child and the adoptive mother. Because you both have a role in your child’s life, Mother’s Day may be a holiday that you may both want to celebrate. This will take open and honest communication, and here are some solutions and advice you may consider when coping with Mother’s Day in a Kansas open adoption.
- Discuss Your Feelings with the Adoptive Mother
Discussing your feelings with the adoptive mother and getting her feelings about the situation as well is the best way to prevent any miscommunication or hurt feelings that may arise from this situation. The adoptive mother may be feeling a similar way as you but may not know how to express it since you play a unique role in your child’s life. It is important, to be honest with your feelings for yourself and all parties involved. You may come to more of an understanding by discussing any feelings about the celebration of Mother’s Day that you may both have.
- Make Plans in Advance
Making plans in advance will reduce any anxiety about the unknown future, such as how you will go about celebrating Mother’s Day in an open adoption. You may want to figure out whether to celebrate it with your child’s adoptive mother or separately, as you may each want to have your own day. Whatever your desire may be, figuring this out early on and making day plans will help you feel more at ease when Mother’s Day comes so you can enjoy it to the fullest.
- Talk to a Therapist
Talking to a therapist is a great way to cope with the feelings that may arise when celebrating Mother’s Day as a Kansas birth mother in an open adoption. This day can be hard for a multitude of reasons, such as feeling territorial over your child or jealous of your child’s relationship with their adoptive mother. You may work out these feelings in therapy by having your therapist give you coping techniques and help you understand that these feelings and anxiety are more about your personal fears rather than reality.
Mother’s Day in a Semi-Open or Closed Adoption
Mother’s Day in a semi-open or closed adoption may be a little different than it would be in an open adoption. However, there still may be anxiety or certain feelings that may arise from this day. Here are a few tips on how to cope with Mother’s Day in a semi-open or closed adoption.
- Communicate With the Third Party in a Semi-Open Adoption
In a semi-open or closed adoption, this day may be thought-provoking for your child. Because you are not fully present in their life, this day may be a bit harder on your child as they think of their status as an adoptee and possibly have many emotions on this day. It is important for you to check in with your child in a semi-open adoption. Because of the fact that it is a semi-open adoption, you and the adoptive mother have to go through a third party to have a form of communication. Make sure to communicate with all parties to send letters or receive any pictures and updates that you may desire.
- Practicing Self-Care in a Closed Adoption
As mentioned above, Mother’s Day in a closed adoption may be very thought-provoking for your child and you as well. You may have feelings of grief or longing during this day, wondering what your child may be doing and how their life is going. Even though you placed them up for adoption, it is still natural to feel curiosity and emotion, especially during this day. Make sure to practice self-care by understanding that these feelings are natural and not being too hard on yourself about it. You may have many solutions and outlets such as support groups, therapy, or even speaking with a loved one and someone you trust if that is an option for you.
You Aren’t Alone during your Kansas Adoption
Whatever scenario sounds most like you, just know you aren’t alone. There are many women in the same position as you who have placed their child up for adoption. Just because you have placed your child for adoption doesn’t mean you may not have a sense of attachment to them and feel like a mother. These feelings are very valid, and Adoption Choices of Kansas is here to offer you any resource you may need to get you through this time.
We are here to here to understand all feelings and each unique individual scenario to help give everyone the ultimate adoption experience and create the best outcome. If you have any further questions and need support, please do not hesitate to reach out.
Meet the Author: Tatiana Kelly is a graduate of Saint Mary’s College of California, where she completed a degree in Business with a concentration in Marketing. She first discovered her passion for journalism in high school when she joined Yearbook, allowing her to interview others and learn their intricacies, ultimately giving them a voice. Her empathetic nature motivates her to write about others and be interested in the details of each individual and their story. Tatiana’s passion for writing deepened when she took a college journalism class which allowed her to write various types of content consisting of Feature Story, Review, and Profile pieces. She went on to hone her writing and marketing skills through her position as a Marketing Associate at the Lesher Arts Center in Walnut Creek, CA, where she managed social media content and advertising assets. In her free time, Tatiana enjoys writing poetry and her thoughts about philosophy. She explores her creative and musical side through instruments, singing, and nature.