How to Support a Birth Mother through Adoption
Adoption is a beautiful thing, but it also comes with a lot of heartache, sadness, and feelings of loneliness and isolation. Dealing with an unplanned pregnancy is tough enough, but going through the adoption process can be even more challenging. Trying to go through it alone is almost unbearable. Adoption is often referred to as a journey, and it definitely is, but it’s not a journey anyone should have to take alone. Having a support system that is respectful, compassionate, and just there is imperative.
Adoption Choices of Kansas is always available for pregnant women and birth mothers when they need answers to questions, support, or just someone to listen to them. Often, women in these situations don’t have anyone to talk to, and we become that person for them when they need it.
If you can be a supportive person to lean on or just a sympathetic ear, that is more valuable than you know. If this is all new territory for you, don’t worry! The journey will be long and rough, but it will also have moments of excitement, joy, and unexplainable love. So, let us be your guide on how to support a birth mother through adoption.
Educate Yourself on Adoption
Birth parents, and especially birth mothers, learn about the adoption process and the adoption community during their journey. Unless you’re with them and learning alongside them, doing your own research is very important. Understanding how adoption works, the effects of adoption emotionally and physically, and proper terms in the community are a great way to show your respect and support. There is so much information about modern adoption that most people don’t know. Everyone knows knowledge is power, and in this case, knowledge is love!
Remind Her Why She Chose Adoption
Birth mothers go through a lot of emotions throughout the adoption journey. It’s not just butterflies and rainbows, but it’s also not the ultimate despair. Adoption emotions come in a wide range and can be very complex. Many women go through feelings of regret, and it’s important as their support system to remind them why they chose adoption in the first place. Remind them that adoption is an incredible and unselfish act, motivated by love.
Create a Safe and Supportive Group
It can be hard to understand what the birth mother is going through. If you’ve never been exposed to the wonderful world of adoption, it’s hard to relate. Help find friends, family, or internet support groups that know some of what she’s going through. Having someone there regardless is great, but having someone who’s been there and come out the other side alive provides another layer of comfort.
Adoption isn’t something a lot of people talk about openly, so ask around. You may be surprised at who you know who might have been adopted or worked with adoption agencies. Many women lose friends, and family relationships become turbulent when they choose adoption. Making sure they are only surrounded by people who love and respect them is so crucial.
Be There, Even after Placement
The adoption journey doesn’t end at birth. Post placement emotions can be some of the hardest to deal with. Some women may feel that they don’t want or need counseling after placement, but it can be essential to their mental health to talk through everything.
Adoption Choices of Kansas offers counseling to birth mothers at all stages of the adoption process, including after they’ve given birth. They may need a gentle push to accept that help, but they probably need it more than they know.
Provide Support throughout Her Adoption Journey
Being there during the good and the bad is part of being an effective support system. Be there for the joy and the highs, and the deepest lows. Reach out frequently, make plans to talk or just listen, and remind them that you’re there, always. Be one phone call or a text away. Be ready with pints of ice cream and a shoulder to cry on. The best thing you can do is just be there.
Do You have a Birth Mother You can Support through Adoption?
Being someone’s support system in this situation isn’t going to be easy. Trying to stand as a sturdy pillar for someone whose world weight is so heavy right now can be taxing. While it is important to be there for the birth mother as much as you can, never burn the candle at both ends. If you’re stressed and sleep-deprived, you won’t be much help to another person who is also stressed and sleep-deprived. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Adoption is a unique adventure, and not everyone gets to experience it. You get to be an important part of the birth mother’s adoption journey, and that is so special.
Meet the Author: Michelle Brugioni is a practiced, well-versed college-educated writer and avid coffee drinker. She has ten years’ experience as a freelance writer, and has written for an alarmingly wide range of clients and publications. She has written on topics like: life science, biopharmaceutical company acquisitions, dealing with anxiety, and creative drinking games.
As a fearless writer and masterful researcher, each time Michelle is approached with the question, “Can you write this?” she responds confidently with, “When do you need it?”