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Life After Placing Baby for Adoption

By Veronica Wiley

If you’re a birth mother in the adoption process, you may be feeling some confusing emotions. First Adoption Choices of Kansas is here to tell you that this is normal and shows you care for your baby. We are one of the adoption agencies in Kansas, and we are here to help you through the adoption process. While placing your baby for adoption is deeply emotional and life-changing, there is healing afterward. You may experience a range of emotions, including loss, relief, and gratitude.

As you go through the adoption journey, it’s important to be aware of these and the support available to you. In this article, we’ll discuss the various emotions you may experience during your journey. We’ll also talk about some ways you can seek support and healing.

Emotions During the Adoption Process

Grief is a common emotion felt by birth mothers during an adoption. One of the many reasons is they feel they are giving the child up for adoption. Adoption Choices of Kansas assures you, you aren’t giving up on anything. Adoption is a courageous decision. You chose to put your baby’s well-being first and give them the best life possible. You chose a journey that may be difficult at times but has a rewarding outcome for your child.

Loss causes many mothers to feel they have lost something as they go through the adoption process. You may feel you are missing out on the baby’s life. Adoption Choices of Kansas provides all birth mothers with an adoption counselor who will help you create an adoption plan. Through your adoption plan, we can help facilitate communication if you are curious about how the child is doing.

Relief can be a confusing emotion felt by birth mothers. Relief that the adoption is complete and you can move on can be surprising. Relief that the baby is in a home with great parents may be expected. Many mothers struggle with the relief that they don’t have to parent. An unplanned pregnancy can add stress to your life. Relief is felt when a stressful journey is over. Remember, you have lovingly ensured the child would be well cared for with a bright future.  You fully deserve to feel relief because you have selflessly acted for the child’s benefit.

Gratitude and love are also emotions a birth mother may feel during the adoption process.  Gratitude may be felt toward the adoption agency for helping find an adoptive family.  This may also be felt toward the adoptive family. Love for the child can be difficult to deal with and will never go away.  

How Do I Handle These Feelings Through Adoption?

To navigate through these conflicting emotions, you must first understand that they will come. When they do, it is important to embrace them. They are part of the healing process. Some may return again as you revisit the memories of your journey. Some may return suddenly, sparked by a friend’s baby shower. When they do, just remember to embrace the feeling and know that you made the best decision for the child.

Sometimes it can seem like these emotions get in the way of moving forward after adoption. Guilt, for example, can hinder some mothers from considering a new family.  It’s okay to move on when adoption is finalized. Moving on doesn’t have to mean forgetting or allowing emotions to rule your future. Continuing your life is only the next step for many. And when you take those steps, confidently know that you made the best decision for the child.

Where Do I Find Emotional Adoption Support

Support may be worth exploring if you are having an especially tough time with these or other emotions. Trusted friends or family members can lend an ear or shoulder when needed. They may even be able to talk some things out with you. If you want a friend to only listen and not offer advice, be sure to say so. Many friends are quick to try and offer solutions. Friends and family can help best when they know your expectations.

If you are having an especially difficult time, it is a good idea to have someone nearby. Sometimes staying with family or having a friend stay the night with you can help. If this isn’t an option for you, Adoption Choices of Kansas can help connect you with a therapist or support group.  Support groups with other birth mothers on their adoption journey can be helpful to boost your resilience. Oftentimes, these emotions can be tough and confusing or make you feel alone in the world.

Many women experiencing life-changing events may feel like they’ve lost a sense of who they are. Talking it out with mothers who are experiencing or have completed the adoption process can help you not feel isolated. Connections with other women in these support groups often lead to answers to these new questions about yourself, too. This support may become lifelong friendships and support later on. 

Healing and Self-Care During Adoption

Self-care and exploring hobbies and personal interests are wonderful ways to navigate through the healing process. Self-care can be calming and create a sense of peace and tranquility. It can also boost your confidence and assurance in yourself. Self-care can be as simple as painting your nails or a special shopping trip to your favorite store.  It can also include a favorite activity you haven’t had time for. Give yourself permission to stream that movie and sit down with your favorite snack for the night. Take care of yourself to give you time to digest the journey you’ve been taking.

Trying a new hobby can also be therapeutic for working through your thoughts and feelings. It may not even be a new hobby, but one you’ve put on the shelf for a while. It doesn’t have to be something creative, though. Reading is a fantastic hobby, so if you’ve put off reading that book you bought months ago, get it off the shelf. Sometimes, starting a book club with women in your support group can be a nice way to connect.  You may discover a new genre you didn’t know you liked. This may turn into a hobby you keep up with after the adoption.

The Adoption Journey

While the adoption journey is a personal and emotional one, there is healing afterward. There is a lot of support for you throughout and after the adoption is complete. Don’t hesitate to take advantage of the resources available to you. You are strong. You’ve shown that by making the decision to give your baby a great life. 

If you’ve not made the decision yet and are a birth mother considering adoption or adoption in Kansas, you can contact us. The choice of adoption can bring many questions, but Adoption Choices of Kansas is here to answer them for you.

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