What Are the Misconceptions Surrounding Birth Fathers?
By Megan Kostraba
Considering adoption for your baby is a tough decision to make. Oftentimes, a birth mother and birth father will work together on choosing the option that best suits them and their child. Adoption is all about finding a loving and caring family for your baby, and sometimes that takes a team effort!
Just like birth mothers face the opinions and misconceptions surrounding their character, so do birth fathers. Adoption is a concept that is still a taboo subject in today’s world. Some people do not know much about the adoption process, leaving them to make their own assumptions. Those assumptions turn into misconceptions, stereotyping birth mothers and fathers and adoption as a whole.
At Adoption Choices of Kansas, we want to ensure all of our birth families that the misconceptions surrounding adoption are just that—misconceptions! We follow a thorough process when meeting our birth families, helping them create their own adoption plans. This plan is catered to you and your child, and we help you understand the role you play in the adoption! We don’t want you to feel influenced by the opinions and thoughts of others because every choice you make during your adoption is your own. Every family is different, but we can assure you that birth fathers do not follow the stereotype many people assume.
1. Birth Fathers are Mostly Teenagers
Some people assume that if you’re considering adoption for your child, it means that you are a teenager who was “irresponsible.” This couldn’t be further from the truth! As an adoption agency, we’ve worked with people from all walks of life. Unplanned pregnancies often happen to all different kinds of people and will only continue to happen as time goes on. Anyone can face the panic and intimidation of an unplanned pregnancy—regardless of their age!
Adoption is an option for those who aren’t ready to put life on hold and accept parenthood. Birth fathers and mothers are making the choice that is best for themselves and their baby. Many different families have faced an unexpected pregnancy!
2. Birth Fathers are Typically Unsupportive
This misconception has stemmed from many past stereotypes. People like to assume that an unplanned pregnancy stems just from being careless and irresponsible. This idea then follows into the belief that birth fathers are unsupportive of the adoption because they aren’t present. All of this leaves a negative look on birth fathers, which is where misconceptions come from. In reality, there are a lot of birth fathers who are present and supportive of the adoption!
Some birth fathers focus on different aspects of the adoption than the birth mother. Or, they are supportive in different ways! What’s important to remember is that every family looks different! We all come from different backgrounds, and one’s idea of a family may be different from others. Remembering this can help us dispel the misconceptions about birth fathers.
3. Birth Fathers Don’t Want Contact with Their Child
Just like the misconceptions surrounding birth mothers, people often believe that birth fathers do not want contact with their children. The relationship that can grow and foster between a child and their birth parents is truly open! Some birth families wish to keep a closed adoption where there is no contact with the child or the adoptive family. There are also open adoptions where a relationship has potential to grow. Either option is okay—whatever suits your needs and wishes!
The choice is up to the birth family, but in today’s world, open adoption is a common choice between both families! Some birth fathers are even more so involved in the interview process of the adoptive family. They may be the ones to describe what kind of adoptive family they want, go over the home study checklist and the interview process.
4. Birth Fathers are Not Involved During the Adoption Process
A lot of people assume that by choosing to work with an adoption agency, it means you’re “giving up a child” for adoption. It couldn’t be further from the truth! One of our goals is to ensure birth parents that adoption is a wonderful option and give them confidence in their choice. We take our time to explain how the adoption process works and the steps birth families may begin taking on their adoption journey. We make sure every member of the family involved in the process is accounted for, and that includes birth fathers.
Birth fathers can show support in all different ways! Some like to be very involved during the adoption process, and others take a backseat route in supporting the birth mother. Every person plays a different role in the adoption process!! Just like with birth mothers, adoption can also take its mental and physical tolls on birth fathers. For this reason, our adoption services in Wichita offer counseling for our birth families. We understand the feelings of grief, regret, and guilt that may arise during your adoption and are available for extra help.
5. Birth Fathers are Absent and Uncaring
Many people think this myth is true because they stray into stereotyping birth fathers. They believe that you’re giving up a child for adoption rather than giving a child new opportunities to grow and flourish. In return, this then affects how people view birth fathers.
Every family has a different dynamic! It’s important to remember this when you’re thinking about adoption. Whether you’re working independently or as part of a team, we can’t assume what your family looks like! Many birth fathers are involved in the adoption and care greatly about their child! There is no one-size-fits-all way to handle adoption, and each birth family chooses different aspects to focus on.
Adoption and Birth Fathers Today
At Adoption Choices of Kansas, our goal is to help birth families of all different shapes and sizes. We work with birth mothers and fathers, helping every member of the birth family complete their vision of their adoption. We don’t want these misconceptions to influence your choice or scare you away from adoption altogether. Remember that the choices you make are yours alone. You don’t need the approval of others or the opinion of what a birth family should and shouldn’t look like.
If you have any questions regarding adoption or want to get started on your own journey, you can reach out to our agencies throughout Kansas for help!
