Placing a child for adoption is no easy decision for any birth mother. This choice is made even more difficult by many social pressures and stigmas that these women often face. There are many unfair assumptions and beliefs about the adoption process, and this has lasting effects on birth mothers. Below are some things that birth mothers want people to understand about their choice to place their child for adoption.
- Adoption is not an easy decision.
Much of the stigma that surrounds adoption promotes this idea that placing a child for adoption is an “easy” choice. This is not only untrue, but detrimental to the well-being of these mothers. This decision is incredibly difficult to make and dramatically changes a birth mother’s life forever. The decision is incredibly complex and often involves many factors. However, in choosing this, the mother is making an incredibly selfless act for both her child and herself.
- We are worthy of respect.
Society sometimes stigmatizes the birth mother’s choice for adoption. Often, it paints this image that the birth mother is unfit for motherhood and that she is immature, suffers from addiction, or has no means to support her child. These are all unfair assumptions to make. There are so many reasons why a mother may decide to place her child for adoption. While it may be because of these factors, there every situation is different. It is not up to society to decide on what is the right decision. Every mother has the right to decide what is best for herself and her baby, and she deserves the same respect and support that any expecting mother would receive.
- We respect the terms of the adoption.
Adoptive parents sometimes fear that by allowing birth parents to have some involvement in their child’s life, that the birth mother will “replace” them. This is completely untrue. A birth mother made the decision to place her child with a loving family. She wants the child to grow up with loving adoptive parents. In allowing her to have some communication with her child, you are not creating a conflict. Rather, you are providing an opportunity to fill a gap and create a lasting bond.
- We never stop loving our child.
Once the adoption is finalized, it is not the end for the birth mother. They grieve the loss of their child, and may even struggle with doubts and insecurities about their decision. Even after they start a family of their own, they will think about the child they lost. Nothing will ever replace that gap in their heart reserved for their child.
- We are grateful for our children’s adoptive families.
In choosing adoption, a birth mother makes one of the most complicated and difficult decisions. However, birth mothers are incredibly grateful to adoptive parents for giving their children a safe and loving home. Knowing that their child has a wonderful family to provide for their child, is a source of comfort for mothers. This is the life they want for their child.
Giarrosso, M. (2020). What do birth mothers wish adoptive parents knew? Retrieved January 21, 2020, from https://adoption.org/birth-mothers-wish-adoptive-parents-know.