All birth mothers fear regretting giving their baby up for adoption.
Birth mothers fear regret of placing their child, regret of their choice of adoptive parents, and regret of going through with the pregnancy. It’s one of the scariest emotions you can feel when making the choice to place your baby for adoption. But, thousands of women choose adoption every year. How do they do it?
Many birth mothers will tell you that the feelings of regret are temporary, and are usually strongest in the few days after the separation. This is when your hormones and motherly instincts are strongest. Your body prepared to care for a baby and is producing the hormones that create those feelings of attachment between mother and child. It can be very difficult to overcome those feelings when you’ve been together with your baby for nine months.
Your body eventually heals, and so do your emotions.
You made the decision to place your baby when your emotions and hormones weren’t so intense when you had time to consider the long-term responsibility of raising a child. You won’t automatically feel closure once your baby is placed in their adoptive home. It takes time to ride the different emotions of grief and overcome – but your body will heal and so will your emotions.
If you’re having doubts, think long and hard about the reasons you chose adoption.
It’s a big decision to make, and you need to be absolutely sure before the baby is born. If you think the situation you’re in is temporary, you may want to consider keeping the child. But if you know in your heart that you simply can’t provide for the child the life you want them to have, adoption can be the right choice for you.
Remember, this is still your baby. You aren’t having this child so another couple can fulfill their dreams of parenthood. They are here to give your child a home and should be completely supportive of your decision, whatever it may be. Don’t ever give in to pressure when deciding if parenting is right for you. Usually, the only time a birth mother regrets her decision is if she made it to please someone else. You always come first.
Talk to someone.
Get advice from someone who doesn’t have a “stake” in the adoption. This includes people outside the agency, outside your family, and outside social circles that have strong opinions about adoption. You need to talk to someone who knows you well and is only interested in your well being. And if you’re still having trouble, talk to an adoption counselor. They are professional and experienced in helping you sort out of all of these new emotions.
Adoption is a difficult decision to make but can truly be a loving, wonderful experience. While you will have roller coaster mountains of emotions, highs and lows, and might feel regret and loss. You will also welcome joy, love, a new family (should you choose open adoption) in your life, and a heart full of ‘the best’ for your child. Contact Adoption Choices of Kansas & Missouri to start your journey through adoption.