The decision to place your child for adoption is an incredibly difficult and emotional one. Many birth mothers will often grapple with their choice even if they believe adoption is the best option for both themselves and their children. Because of the nature of the decision, placing a child for adoption is often met with a lot of conflicting emotions. Sometimes a birth mother may even decide that adoption is no longer the best option. Below are some things to consider about the adoption plan if you decide to change your mind.
First, it is important to note that, regardless of how far along in the pregnancy and adoption process, the birth mother has the right to change her mind. No adoption is final until the papers are signed and the adoption is finalized in court. With this in mind, the birth mother can change her mind if she no longer feels that adoption is in the best interest for her child. However, if you do decide to change your mind, it may become harder as you get farther in the process. For example, if a birth mother changes her mind after the birth but before the papers are signed, some states will require that this decision be left to the court to decide on who will get parental rights. Before making any decision, it is important to talk to an adoption professional. They will help connect you with the right resources and help walk you through the process no matter how far along in the process you are.
While this decision is a difficult one, there are several factors to consider if you decide to change your mind. Think about the initial factors that led you to consider adoption in the first place. Have any of those changed? Some of the most common concerns are financial stability, future goals, ability to provide, confidence in parenting ability, or the life stage you are in. Sometimes, birth mothers may feel feelings of doubt that are temporary or lingering. If these feelings are lingering, it is important to consider why. A decision like this is incredibly emotional and should not be taken lightly. Because of this, it is important to consider what is the best long-term plan for both you and your child.
Once a birth mother changes her mind, the adoption is considered a “disruptive adoption.” This means for whatever reason the adoption does not go through. These types of adoptions take an extremely emotional and mental toll on all those involved, including the birth mother, so it is important to talk to professionals and surround yourself with supportive people to get you through the process.
Ultimately, a birth mother has every right to change her mind about the adoption. There are many reasons a birth mother may choose to do this whether it be she no longer feels the adoptive family is the best fit for her child, she believes that she would be the best support for the child, or she no longer has the same limitations (financial or otherwise) that she once had. Regardless of the reasons why this process is highly emotional and will affect all parties involved. It is important to reach out to supportive resources and consider all of your options. This process can be filled with doubts and conflicting feelings, so it important to make the decision that makes you feel the most confident and is the best choice for you.
Julianna McKenna is a college student at Saint Mary’s College in Notre Dame, Indiana double majoring in English Writing and Psychology. She is passionate about adoption and foster care and is considering a career in adoption law or counseling. In January 2019, Julianna became an intern for Adoption Choices of Kansas, Inc. She is incredibly dedicated to promoting children’s rights and is excited to research and advocate for children.