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What your Birth Mother wants to hear during her Pregnancy

Birth mothers are selfless. Every one of them is making a difficult decision by placing her child up for adoption and is considering the life of her child before her own. Yes, she’s looking for parents for her baby. But she’s always looking for information, support and encouragement. It may be hard to remember this over the impending excitement of your new arrival, but the birth mother has wants and needs of her own. If you are going through the adoption process, here are some things your birth mother would like to hear from you:

“Thank you for contacting us”
Thank you. Those two little words mean so much. Placing a baby for a adoption is not an easy decision, nor is it a popular one. Most prospective birth mothers agonize over it. They feel guilt and shame. Even those that believe in their heart of hearts that it’s the best decision have doubts about it. It’s important to thank the birth mother for choosing your family over her own. Thanking a birth mother for including you in her choice is supremely powerful and can be used as a simple way to put her at ease. It’s a simple, natural way to put her at ease, welcome her into your life, and help validate her decision.

“Tell me about yourself”
Most of the time during the adoption process, the focus is centered on the prospective adoption family. While the birth mother will want to know more about your family unit, it is important that you learn about her as well! Putting forth a genuine interest will only make it easier for you to welcome her in as a member of your extended family in the future. Being open and honest with her and asking her to share her story will not only let you show your empathy and understanding, it will also make you more approachable and allow you to assess whether you’re the right match for her, and vice versa.

“How has your pregnancy been?”
It is important to remember that until the baby is born, your birth mother will go through many different emotions dealing with her pregnancy. It is always a good gesture to ask how she is coping with her pregnancy, and if there is anything you can do for her to make her life more comfortable.

“How can we help you?”
Placing a baby for adoption is a difficult and often lonely journey. There’s no manual on how to do it right or how to do it at all. Plus, it is often met with varying degrees of opposition and negativity. By the time you meet the birth mother, you will have gone through all of your adoption education and training courses. You will also have people, your partner, family, friends, that support you in your choice.

She might not. Isolated and alone, she will be struggling with her decision and wondering whether she’s about to make the biggest mistake of her life. As a result, she will need all the help and guidance she can get. Although you will want her to choose you as parents of her baby, ultimately it’s her baby and it’s her decision. And in order to make it, she will need to undergo counselling and educate herself, just like you did, into the pros, cons, and consequences of her decision. Be prepared to give her as much space and time as she needs during this emotionally difficult time as well as much help, love, and support.

“What would you like to know about us?”
A prospective birth mother will likely have a million questions about you. Your profile may have answered some of them, but there will be many more things she will want to know about you. And she may not be at the point where she feels comfortable asking them.

Inviting her to ask you questions about you will show that you’re open-mined and having nothing to hide. Plus, through her questions, you’ll get a better sense of what she’s looking for and what’s important to her. And finally, opening up your life to her will give her a chance to get her mind off her own challenges and look to the future rather than the past.

“I want to stay in contact.”
More than anything else, your birth mother may want to stay in contact with you to see how the child is thriving while growing up. She will want to be reassured that she made the right decision, and considering that 87% of all adopted children’s parents say they would definitely go through the adoption process again knowing what they know about their child, it is always a great idea to stay in contact.

Placing a baby for adoption is a difficult life-changing decision. Being kind and considerate to a prospective birthmother is an effective way to make her feel good about herself and her decision. Asking her questions about herself and her pregnancy will not put your empathy and compassionate on display. It will also help you learn more about her and whether you’re a good match for each other.

To learn more about your adoption journey, contact our professional, friendly staff at or call or text us at 1-877-903-4488


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