Why I Chose Adoption for My Child: Stacy’s Story as a Birth Mother in Kansas
If you are familiar with our adoption center in Kansas, you know that every birth mother has their own story. That they have their own reasons and motivations behind placing their baby for adoption. This is part of why each and every adoption process is as unique as the birth mother behind the wheel. No two birth mothers are alike, yet they all share one thing in common — their decision to give their child a better life through the miracle of adoption. Stacy is no exception.
Adoption Choices of Kansas had the honor of interviewing Stacy, a happily married birth mother with two kids in Michigan, and learning the reasons behind why she chose to place her baby for adoption. We hope that sharing her experience will help guide you as you consider choosing adoption for your own child.
Adoption Choices: Hello, Stacy. Thank you for taking the time to speak with us.
Will you share a little bit about yourself with us?
Stacy: Of course! My name is Stacy. I’m 47 years old, and I graduated from the University of Michigan with a Bachelor’s and Master’s in English. I’m now a professor of English at a local community college, and a freelance copywriter on the side.
Adoption Choices: Sounds like you’ve been very successful in life!
What were some of the things in life that helped mold you into this person?
Stacy: Quite a few things, actually! I’ve always loved English, so I was always reading and writing growing up. My parents also encouraged me to get as much education as I could to ensure that I had a stable future. We didn’t have a lot of money growing up, and there were many times where it was tough making ends meet. So, we held onto the fact that we had each other. Unfortunately, I almost lost that when I got pregnant at the age of 17.
Adoption Choices: Unplanned pregnancies can definitely be scary and overwhelming.
How did you and your family handle this?
Stacy: To be honest, my family wasn’t very thrilled. I grew up in a very religious home where sex before marriage was a big no-no. Thankfully, they didn’t throw me out of the house, so that was such a blessing. For me…I wasn’t thrilled about being pregnant either. I felt like I had so much I wanted to do before having a family. Like, going to college and hanging out with friends. Of course, having a baby wouldn’t necessarily prevent that, but it would make things much more difficult. I didn’t believe in abortion, so I looked into placing my child for adoption.
Adoption Choices: How did your child’s birth father feel about your pregnancy?
Stacy: He didn’t want to give our child up for adoption at first. He thought we could keep the baby and raise it ourselves. But, in his mind, this meant that I would raise the baby and he could continue to do as he pleased. He didn’t think about how having a child would impact his life too. But, because I had enough sense to know that wasn’t good parenting, I made the choice that was right for me.
Adoption Choices: Looking back, do you believe that you still made the right choice of you and your child?
Stacy: Oh, I absolutely do! I’ve met my child’s adoptive parents on several occasions and have nothing but the best feelings from them. They were warm, caring, and willing to answer any questions either I or my parents have. They’ve also kept me updated with pictures and letters, which greatly helps. I’m extremely grateful to them.
Adoption Choices: Have you ever had contact with the child you gave birth to?
Stacy: No, not directly. He knows who I am and what I look like, but he’s chosen not to have any contact with me. He’s been struggling with how he feels about being adopted. I can understand that, and am here if he ever changes his mind.
Adoption Choices: If there was one thing you could share with a birth mother who is considering adoption, what would it be?
Stacy: The decision is yours. Don’t let anyone force you into a decision you’re not comfortable making. Find someone you can truly confide in. Share your feelings and concerns with them.
Also — make sure to do your research in every aspect of adoption. Don’t be afraid. Remember that you are in control. Only you know what’s best for you and your child, so just do what you believe in your heart is right. That’s the best you can ever do for you and your child.
Meet the Author: Gabrielle Willis is a lover of writing and knowledge, which shows in her everyday life. She graduated with a Bachelors in English in 2013, and recently graduated with a Masters in Creative Writing. She has also worked in the education sector for over 10 years, recently becoming a Literacy Tutor. At her core, her passion is reading and writing, and she loves sharing that with others.
She enjoys helping those considering adoption or going through the adoption process any way she can. This internship opportunity truly resonated with her and she hopes that her words will connect and inspire everyone who reads them.