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Will I Regret the Choice of Giving My Baby for Adoption?

By Tyler Jeremiah

Deciding to place your baby up for adoption can be a stressful and overwhelming experience. From wondering what kind of family your child will end up with to choosing whether or not you want to maintain a relationship with your child, there are a lot of factors that influence your choice. And as with making any decision, choosing to place your child up for adoption comes with the risk of regret. 

Here at Adoption Choices of Kansas, we acknowledge this difficult and sometimes painful emotional experience of our birth parents. That is why we offer a plethora of emotional support and mental health resources to guide birth parents through this process. In this blog, we are going to examine this emotional process as well as describe all of the options for support available to our birth parents.

The Emotional Journey of Adoption

No two adoption journeys are the same. As such, the way that each individual birth parent experiences the adoption process is unique to them. What this means is that the emotional journey of adoption can bring about unexpected feelings in anybody. For example, it’s not wholly uncommon for birth parents to feel emotional wounds from their childhood when going through the adoption process. And everybody responds to these feelings in different ways depending on their unique characteristics, personalities, and backgrounds. 

For other birth parents, however, the adoption process elicits only positive emotions. Taking control of the adoption by working with an adoption agency that allows you to personalize the process according to your needs and desires is an incredibly overpowering feeling for many birth parents. Hand-picking your child’s adoptive family is something you do out of pure love, respect, and compassion for your child. This experience helps many birth parents to feel proud of their choice to place their baby up for adoption. 

Do Birth Parents Regret Adoption?

With all that said, it is possible that you have feelings of regret before, during, or after the adoption process. But it’s also possible that, at the same time, you feel an overwhelming sense of relief, freedom, and joy. The adoption process often makes birth parents feel many contradictory feelings at once. We want to make clear that experiencing temporary feelings of regret does not necessarily mean that you regret your decision. 

Furthermore, we want to remind our birth parents that they are never alone in these feelings. It is incredibly common for birth parents to feel pangs of regret; feeling these feelings does not make you broken or bad in any way, shape, or form. They are natural responses to an at-times overwhelming process. 

Now, why is it that some birth parents seemingly regret their adoption choice? Once again, the answer is different for everybody. In some instances, societal taboos around adoption forces birth parents to feel ashamed of their adoption decision. Some people might even feel this shame coming from their friends or families. Sometimes birth parents regret not that they placed their baby up for adoption, but that doing so resulted in such an aggressive backlash from their communities. 

In other cases, birth parents may regret an individual choice or decision they made at some point during the adoption process. Hindsight is 20-20, as they say, and many birth parents wish that they would have done certain things differently. 

The truth is, it is possible that you will feel regret at some point during the adoption process. But this by no means has to be a bad thing.

Adoption Support in Kansas

Here at Adoption Choices of Kansas, our adoption specialists are trained and experienced in supporting birth parents through the adoption process. We are an adoption agency with a host of resources that help to ease some of the emotional stress of the adoption process. One of the best things you can do for yourself if you’re a birth parent experiencing feelings of regret is to ask your adoption specialist about joining a birth parent support group. 

Birth parent support groups are spaces that provide birth parents with the opportunity to connect with others who are experiencing similar emotions. Feelings of regret can be difficult to process alone, and even if you have a supportive group of friends or family around you, it will be impossible for them to truly understand what it feels like to be in your shoes. Bonding with other birth parents over shared experiences can be crucial to helping birth parents feel less isolated when processing the entire adoption journey. 

If you are in search of more personalized, individual support, ask your adoption specialist about speaking with a professional mental health counselor. A few sessions with a licensed therapist can help you to observe your feelings in a different way. 

Adoption Choices of Kansas Will Guide You Through These Feelings

At the end of the day, no matter who you are or what your adoption journey looks like, know that it is completely okay to have feelings of regret about your adoption decision. But it’s important not to let one temporary feeling get in the way of all of the love and positivity you have created for your child and their adoptive family. No matter what emotions you experience, nothing can change the fact that you have given your child the gift of a better life. That selfless act of love is empowering, inspiring, and, above all, healing. It’s okay to feel regret, but make sure that you take some to feel proud, selfless, and heroic as well. 

If you’re facing an unexpected pregnancy and are considering adoption, don’t hesitate to reach out to one of our adoption specialists. Call or visit our website to set up your first consultation today!

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